Feb 052015

Picture by Keith Hanselman
Artist: Keith Hanselman

Sculpted in clay (1)

I am reclining on a blanket on one of those shaky wallpapering tables in Pepperwharfe Community Centre. They are all excited about the quirky movie Bel made at my last session here a few weeks ago, which I have not seen (Bel being so uncommunicative). A dozen chatty punters are sketching me.

‘Cheer up Suki, it might never happen!’

I do not even know until first break that a woman is kneeling silently at my feet, sculpting them. It feels biblical.

This morning I had the ultrasound. The sonographer called another sonographer, then the midwife, then the obstetrician. They pointed out markers. A strawberry-shaped head. An echogenic bowel. An abnormal heart.

So I let them take a sample of my womb’s fluid. The results will be there in two days, and then I have to decide.


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  10 responses to “Page 39”

  1. The word ‘heart’ has so many connotations. When you say ‘abnormal heart’, we enter a different world. I hope you are lovingly supported in what sounds like a desperate situation. With love John XX

  2. Beware the curse of melodrama.

  3. Hi Suki, I just read your post and I feel for you. Feel embraced and also an embrace for your Angel Child. Thinking of you. I wish I could give you a hug right now. Love, Ilka

  4. This is not getting any easier.

  5. Love to Suki.

  6. What can I say? Only this… Love from John X